The first time I met my first love, it was at a video shoot. It seemed as though the stars aligned perfectly. He walked past me and my heart fluttered, and I remember looking across the gym we were filming in (which was all done up in lights and decorations, and I was wearing a party dress – it was perfect) thinking, “what are you gonna do? He’s standing right there.”
And my little eighteen-year-old heart was in love. Or thought it was. With a twenty-three-year-old who had a very different trajectory for his life than I did. But it was bliss to have that magical movie moment – meeting someone and having mutual feelings!
Two years and a heck of a lot of heartbreak later, it didn’t feel like a magical movie moment anymore. It felt dirty and broken. I had spent two years trying to fix someone so we could have that perfect moment again, dancing in a room full of strangers. But it was never going to happen, because I learned that this twenty-three, now twenty-seven-year-old didn’t know how to love. And I was collateral.
But I had a second magical movie moment (with the help of Bumble, which makes it a bit less magical movie.) My ex-boyfriend walked up to my coffee kiosk inside a grocery store and ordered a cappucino. And oh, was he dreamy to my little heart. I dropped the blenders at least five times that day, I was so giddy.
It’s been almost a year since that first magical meeting, and that year has held a lot of heartbreak. I wanted that Prince Charming to fix me, to fix me from the wounds that Not-So-Prince-Charming had given me. But that was way too much for him to hold, and we broke.
It’s taken a lot for me to learn – and I’m still learning – that relationships aren’t made so that we can fix each other. The buzzword isn’t “fix,” it’s grow. If you can grow together, you can make it. If you’re a Househunters project, you’re better off alone.
No one will be able to make you better.
Day Twenty-Nine: Make You Better – The Decemberists
If you think Mumford & Sons is the original folksiest of folk bands, you’ve got a big storm coming. Because you obviously haven’t heart The Decemberists. They see Mumford & Sons’ banjo and raise them a harmonica. Their sound is whimsical and slightly art-deco, singing about mundane work (“Rox in the Box,”) lovely pin-up girls (“Philomena,”) and shanty-like tunes (“Better Not Wake the Baby.”) It’s a fun, well-rounded experience.
But as we’ve discovered, fun and frivolous bands know when to be serious too. It’s more fun when the band’s lyrics are slightly quirky and equally nuanced. From their 2015 album “What A Terrible World, What A Beautiful World,” “Make You Better” is the single off that album, and for good reason. It’s equal parts groovy and powerhouse. Colin Meloy’s twangy vocals are perfect for both the elongated verses and the punchier chorus. Their sound is heavily influenced by bands of the sixties and eighties, but this track is definitely more Fleetwood Mac than R.E.M.
I want you, thin fingers,
I wanted you, thin fingernails
And when you bend backwards
I wanted you, I needed you
Oh-oh, to make me better
Desire is the first part of every romantic relationships – the driving desire to be with someone. Meloy tells the story in one verse – the wanting that leads to the needing, almost to the point of the other person bending over backward to meet your needs.
I loved you in springtime
I lost you when summer came
And when you pulled backwards
I wanted to, I needed to
Oh-oh, to make me better
Oh-oh, to make me better
It’s when the wanting becomes the needing that becomes a problem. It’s perfectly okay to want someone, but needing is muddy territory. If you absolutely need them, what happens when they “pull backwards?” What happens to you?
But we’re not so starry-eyed anymore
Like the perfect paramour you were in your letters
Won’t it all just come around to make you
Let it all unbreak you to the day you met her
But it’d make you better
It’d make you better
The singer is almost chastising himself in the chorus. He realizes that they can’t go back to the beginning – unbreak the breakup if you will. But it would make her better if they were apart, because he’s squeezing the life out of her.
I had a boyfriend who would write me love letters, and it was extremely sweet. It was at the beginning of the relationship when things were “starry-eyed.” I could tell when things were going south – because the letters stopped. And as much as I tried to unbreak things, I broke them more.
I sung you your twinges,
I suffered you your tattletales
And when you broke sideways
I wanted you, I needed you
To make me better,
Oh-oh, to make me better then
Each verse expresses different things one person has done for the other. (In interpersonal communication, this is called gunny-sacking – adding up the vices and wrongdoings of the other to bring up at a later time.) Look at what I did for you. Now I want you to do this one thing for me – make me better.
Meloy has said that this song is about self-identification in a relationship. How do we relate to each other, and how should we? Usually these things are different. There are many parts of your life that blend with the other person’s, but what are you allowed to keep for yourself? And what do you need to keep for yourself? Your vices, virtues? Your shortcomings?
And all I wanted was a sliver to call mine
And all I wanted was a shiver of your shine
To make me bright
The bridge finally reveals the singer’s main motivation – he wants more than he himself can provide. Jealousy is sometimes a reason couples breakup – they have more, they’re more successful, and so on. But equality is important. Relationships are give-and-take, but what will happen when one gives a lot and takes little, or vice versa? It can get messy?
I poured a lot into the first person I loved. I broke sideways, I bent backwards. And he kept taking. Some people take a lot because they don’t know how to give – it’s not really their fault. But it’s not a good place to be in.
And it certainly won’t make you better.
Audrey D. DeBoer 