Day 14: Roaring 20s – Panic! At the Disco

Performing is fun, but it’s not for everyone. Some would rather watch a theatre production than be involved, and that’s totally fine. But if you’ve ever performed before, you know it’s pretty addicting. The first time I was “onstage” was in third grade. I had written a rap about Moses (I went to a Christian school, so it went with the territory.) I dressed up in a Goodwill costume and performed it for the elementary school talent show, complete with my best friend beat boxing. I barely remember it – but I do remember how nervous I was.

Since then, I’ve pretty much been performing consistently. I wrote a skit in fifth grade (that was terrible, but it’s fine) and went to the illustrious theatre camp throughout middle school. Even as an “adult” (I use that term liberally) I like to do community shows. And although it’s fun to do, it can get a little bit competitive too, and disheartening when you just can’t seem to land a part. In anything. It can be easy to start worrying about what people think of your performance instead of doing your best. Almost pandering to them. That’s when your anxiety goes through the roof.

Day 14: Roaring 20s – Panic! At the Disco

I know I said I was going to try not to repeat artists that often, but here I am, repeating artists twice in the last fourteen. I’ve given up on that goal at this point, kind of because Panic! At the Disco has such a dynamic discography. I admit, I didn’t like their latest album, “Pray for the Wicked,” until I gave it a more solid listen. Now it’s probably one of my favorite albums by them.

“Roaring 20s” also had to grow on me a bit. It was a part of their setlist when I saw them in concert, and I thought, “Huh. Maybe I should give that one a second listen.” I’m super glad I did, not just because of its speakeasy big-band vibe, but because it’s relatable to me as a performer.

The song is about frontman Brendan Urie’s stint on Broadway in the show Kinky Boots. Obviously Urie was thrilled to get the part, but he was also having constant anxiety attacks. See, even the rich and famous get impostor syndrome.

Broadway is black like a sinkhole
Everyone raced to the suburbs
And I’m on the rooftop with curious strangers
This is the oddest of summers

Urie performed in the show during the summer of 2017 – the oddest of summer. He says he “topped off his 20s by doing Broadway.” Hence “roaring 20s,” since it was a chaotic time for him.

I had dreams of being on Broadway for a hot minute. And it’s still something of a pipe dream for me. Like, how cool would it be to get paid to perform every night? Then I realized it’s a very different world than what one might think, and I decided to get that normal 9-to-5 job life. I decided I wanted to pour into my local community theatre instead of struggle to make it big.

Maybe I’ll medicate, maybe inebriate
Strange situations, I get anxious
Maybe I’ll smile a bit, maybe the opposite
But pray that they don’t call me thankless

When he first started his stint in Kinky Boots, Urie would go out the stage door to sign autographs. But not long after, it became too much. Fans would bombard him and crowd him, and Urie, who struggles with general anxiety disorder, couldn’t handle it. He had to put a stop to the signings.

That’s not a specific problem we all struggle with, but I think it’s relatable. When you’re under intense scrutiny, it can be a bit anxiety-inducing, and it can be hard to determine what to do. Do you shut down? Do you smile, frown, run away?

This is my roaring, roaring 20s
I don’t even know me
Roll me like a blunt ’cause I wanna go home
Roll me like a blunt ’cause I wanna go home

Have I mentioned before that Urie smokes weed? He does, if you’re wondering. It’s a way he “self medicates” when he’s anxious. If it works for him, fine, but it’s not necessarily something I endorse. His reference to it in the chorus is indicative of the amount of pressure he was under. I think we’ve all felt that way before – we’re so stressed we just want to go home.

Maybe I’ll elevate, maybe I’m second rate
So unaware of my status
Maybe I’m overjoyed, maybe I’m paranoid
Designer me up in straight jackets

Imposter syndrome is real, my dudes, no matter who you are or what you do. The sound of this song is very manic and fast-paced. It almost sounds like all those thoughts that run through your head when you’re anxious.

Hallucinations only mean that your brain is on fire
If it’s Lord of the Flies in my mind tonight
I don’t know if I will survive
Lighters up if you’re feeling me
Fade to black if you’re not mine
‘Cause I just need a sign or a signal inside

Urie almost backed out of Kinky Boots because he was so terrified. And I feel that. I think we’ve all been in situations where we felt unqualified. It’s not a comfortable place to be, but it’s necessary to help you grow.

What would’ve happened if Urie had gone home? He would have passed up an opportunity of a lifetime, and he probably would have regretted it. Sometimes stress and anxiety can be an indicator that you need to back out of something, but when it’s overblown and driving you crazy, it’s something you need to power through and overcome.