We talked about the North Star on here not long ago. In poetry and art, it often represents what we are guided or pulled by. I mean, it makes sense. Sailors have used it for ages as a natural compass.
Your “North Star” might be different, depending on who you are. We’re all driven by different things. But you better make darn sure it’s dependable, or else you might find yourself lost at sea.
Day 17: Polaris – Jimmy Eat World
Futures is, according to frontman Jim Adkins, the band Jimmy Eat World’s darkest album. I covered the title song last year (I’m a creature of habit, I know.) It covers some heavy subjects – elections, drugs, breakups, etc. “Polaris” is about the latter. Strap in, things get depressing.
If you’ve been through a breakup, you know the ups and downs of emotions that go through you. It’s basically the only thing you can think about, because you’ve become so attached and suddenly there’s nothing there. Adkins finds himself in a strained relationship due to his constant touring with the band.
I’ll say it straight and plain
I know I’ve made mistakes
I’ve always been afraid
A thousand nights or more
I travel east and north
But please answer the door
I can imagine long distance relationships are rough. I’ve never been in one, thank goodness. And honestly, I don’t think I could do it. I need the people I love to be near me. You gotta be super trusting if you’re in a long distance relationship.
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it’s just enough to know it’s there
When you go, I’ll let you be
But you’re killing everything in me
The worst part about breakups is probably thinking back on the promises you made. Suddenly those promises are moot. After everything we’ve been told about love, sometimes it doesn’t work out. There’s always that age old argument of what kind of “love” it was, and that some “love” holds more water than others. Adkins is in despair here – he thinks back on when he knew her love could carry him through, but now she’s “killing” him.
Get down on your knees
Whisper what I need
Something pretty
I feel that when I’m old
I’ll look at you and know the world was beautiful
Here come the fluctuating thoughts. This song is kind of an abstract of what is going through Adkins’ head during the strain in the relationship. What he wants vs. what he gets. Yet he still has the hope they’ll work it out somehow.
I’m done, there’s nothing left to show
I try but can’t let it go
Are you happy where you’re standing still?
Do you really want the sugar pill?
I’ll wake up tomorrow and I’ll start
Tonight it feels so hard
As the train approaches Gare Du Nord
As I’m sure your kiss remains employed
Am I only dreaming?
It’s a weird mentality. If you remember back to your last breakup (whether it was two weeks ago or two decades ago) you remember that day. Whatever you felt, the feeling was strong. You try to pick yourself up the next day, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. The “sugar pill” might be a way of “sugarcoating” the truth – that the relationship is over. You have to just take it as it is. And that’s pretty tough medicine to swallow.
The other thoughts that come are whether or not they’ve moved on. You almost try to get into their head – what are they thinking right now? What are they doing? It’s pretty rough.
Is that your North Star? Is your relationship your compass? Can it be? To me, it doesn’t seem like a good idea. If anything, I think a relationship should be a co-pilot situation, not necessarily a compass. Someone who isn’t your direction, but who can help guide you in the right one.
What is your Polaris?
Audrey D. DeBoer 