Day 14: It Wasn’t Easy to Be Happy for You – The Lumineers
After you have a falling out with someone, a competition starts – who can be more successful and “move on” in a shorter amount of time? It’s all a sham, of course – it always takes time to pick up the pieces after a heartbreak of any magnitude, and the time it takes is relative to the person and the situation. But what sucks the most is when the other person seems to move on the fastest. The Lumineers gets this.
“It Wasn’t Easy to Be Happy for You” talks about a necessary breakup where the girl moves on with a new boy toy.
On the last time we met
Your love was dead
You held my hand
Bit your tongue
Shut me out
Spilled my blood
All around
It’s always the worst when you can see the end coming. In my past relationships, I knew when things were cooling down. As sudden as the endings were, I saw them coming, because usually silence was involved. Lack of communication is a big pitfall in any relationship. I’ve had friendships blow up because of lack of communication too.
Yeah, it wasn’t easy to be happy for you
Yeah, I took the poison, praying you’d feel it too
You held your punches back and I left the room
Yeah, it wasn’t easy to be happy for you
I listened to this song a lot after I had a pretty hefty falling out with a friend. This song had just come out and it felt pretty accurate to what I was going through. It was cathartic, because I knew the inevitable would happen – we’d start comparing each other’s successes to one another.
All alone
You always felt
We dragged you down
Gave me hell
Made your bed
Now you sleep
On your own
Guess we’ll see
That’s a phrase I used a lot during this time. “They’ve made their bed.” There were a lot of emotions to process – anger, sadness, bitterness, hurt. And to be frank, I haven’t fully “moved on” from those emotions. I’d say my life is going pretty well despite that, but it takes a long time to move on from friendships and relationships that for awhile seemed so good, until they suddenly weren’t.
Day 15: Lost – Kris Allen
It’s nice to have people in your life who call you out when you’re behaving badly. It’s not great when they’re being hypocritical about it.
“Lost” is a bluesy song by Kris Allen about just that – a friend (or lover) who nitpicks everything about him but doesn’t seem to be following their own advice.
I want to thank you for all your help
Cause you’re on to me, you’re on to me I know
You tell me all the bad things I didn’t know about myself
Yes, you’re on to me, you’re on to me I know
It’s true that we can have blind spots toward some of our behavior. But there’s a fine line between “Hey, maybe check this behavior” and “You are literally the worst person ever. Here’s a laundry list of everything that’s wrong with you.”
I had a friend like that in college. He was a nice enough person, charming and charismatic and funny. We got along well until we didn’t. One day, he sent me a long text describing all of my flaws. In great detail. Let’s just say I didn’t sleep very well that night. I felt like my world was closing in on me – was that how everyone thought of me?
Maybe I’m lost
Maybe I’m lost
Maybe I’m lost
But at least I’m looking
I told my best friend about it, and she calmed me down. No, not everything about you is wrong. No, not everyone hates you or thinks these things about you. That was just this friend being hypercritical. I eventually learned he had a track record for that.
I wish a cat would get your tongue
Cause you’re on to me, you’re on to me I know
You got your hands in your pocket
And you pull out your wallet with your two cents for everyone
Guess you’re on to me, yeah, you’re on to me I know
Let’s just put it on the table: everyone’s got flaws. My best friend has called me out on my toxic behaviors before, and I trust her enough to know she’s right. I don’t trust everyone who points out my flaws to me – like that friend of mine. He was feeling some kind of way and took it out on me. Kris Allen flips it around in the last chorus.
Maybe I’m lost
Maybe I’m lost
Maybe you’re lost
‘Cause you’re not looking
It’s possible to be so critical and quick to point out flaws in others that you ignore the ones in yourself. I’ve been down that road. It’s not an easy road to turn back from, but it’s a necessary change if you want people to trust you and you don’t want to get lost in the meantime.
Audrey D. DeBoer 