Day 21: Trade Mistakes – Panic! At the Disco

I have a pretty set idea of what I want my wedding playlist to be. Not that I’m anywhere close to being married right now, but it’s fun to dream. And it’s always fun to build playlists, am I right? A wedding playlist is special because it’s your day and, hopefully, your music. You get to share what you love with the people you love, and the person you love.

It’s fun to think what our first dance might be. Of course, it will probably ultimately end up depending on who I marry. But again, it’s fun to consider some possibilites. There are those good old fashioned love songs, or you could put a bit more umph into them. My brother and his wife danced to “Strangers in the Night” by Frank Sinatra, which was meaningful to both of them (and yes, I cried.) Something that has deep meaning to two people at once is beautiful.

This one, however, might be seen as a strange option.

Day Twenty-One: Trade Mistakes – Panic! At the Disco 

I think vividly of a wedding when I hear this song, which really doesn’t make sense, but who cares. Panic! has become a pretty influential band for me in the last year. Like I’ve said before, I missed the emo stage of my youth, so it sort of transfered into an angsty stage in my late teens and early twenties. And that, in turn, translated into a love affair with the likes of Panic! Because who doesn’t love to wallow in misery, self-loathing, and despair?

Okay, that’s not all Panic! sings about. Theirs were the anthems of the disturbed youth of the 2000s (“If you love me let me GOOOO”) but, like I’ve talked about before, they grew out of the boy-band emo-ness and turned to some more adult-y emo-ness. They’ve emerged into their own pop punk sound. Helmed by Brendon Urie, the band leader of edgy misfits who have become cool with time, his impressive pipes and Panic!’s evolving sound have made them anything but irrelevant in the post-post-hardcore era of punk music.

While Fall Out Boy errs toward constant edge and punky anthems, Panic! knows when to tone it down. You have fist-pumpers like “Nicotine” and “Death of a Bachelor,” but then Urie dials it back for more exposed tunes like “Dying in LA” and “Impossible Year.”

And “Trade Mistakes.”

This song fuses a gentle orchestral opening with the familiar anthemic vocals of Urie and a powerhouse chorus. The lead-ins and verses remind me of a dance – like a wedding dance. The tune is bright and almost optimistic. But the lyrics really…aren’t.

Placing a smile at the perfect event
Gracing your skin with the side of my hand
If I ever leave I could learn to miss you
But sentimental boy is my Nome de Plume

Despite my wedding feelings toward this song, it’s about a relationship that’s on the rocks, or might even be over.

Let me save you, hold this rope

A lot of times, people enter into relationships because they think they can fix the other person. Believe me, if you don’t already know, it’s definitely a thing. But the more you try, the more you fail. And the more you fail, the more you lose yourself. It happens more often than you might think. A true, even-keeled love is hard to find.

I may never sleep tonight
As long as you’re still burning bright
If I could trade mistakes for sheep
Count me away before you sleep
I’ll stay awake ’til I trade my mistakes 
Or they fade away 

The singer knows he’s in the wrong – he let her go, and he regrets it. He finds that, even though he tries to tell himself he doesn’t need her, he really does. But is he trying to fix her – or does he want her to fix him?

I feel marooned in this body
Deserted, my organs to go on without me
You can’t fly these wings
You can’t sleep in this box with me

He’s well aware of his own issues. And the last thing he wanted to do was rope her into his problems. But she became a crutch, and he realized that. I’ve had people push me away because they don’t think they’re good enough – that’s a thing too. Now that it’s over, he seems to be reliving the good and the bad, imagining what might have been – which is never a good recipe for sleep.

Let me save you, hold this rope
That I’ll pull you in cuz
I am an anchor 
Save her or feel it sinking in
I am an anchor, sinking her

He finally realizes in the bridge that he was holding her back. While it may have been painful, it was necessary. Usually, you figure that out when all is said and done, and after some time has gone by. But it’s never an easy reality to face – that someone you love dearly has become something you use and not someone you care about.

“Trade Mistakes” comes from Panic!’s 2011 album Vices and Virtues, released not long after some influential people left the band. And like the album title, Vices and Virtues is interwoven with just that – the human journey through pain, happiness, and well, vices and virtues.

The fact is, we’ll make allowances for vices if we love someone enough. Of course, we all have the proverbial end of our ropes. But everyone we love is going to be flawed and need “saving,” so to speak. We’ll make excuses for vices because we care about the person and don’t want others to look down on them. Not always the best way to love someone, but it’s pretty common. It’s okay to love someone. But it’s not okay to love someone in spite of yourself.

So there’s my wedding song. Maybe. I don’t know why I equate it with weddings so much, other than the fact that the person I’ll be dancing with will be a flawed person whom I love. And that’s just the way it is.